Republicans are sad highschool girls

You all know the stereotype. She’s been a character in sitcoms for over half a century, and has often had entire episode plots based on her dysfunction. And you all know the standard scenes and scenarios that she appears in…

Scene 1: She asks the hunky guy [read: Chris Christie] to go to a movie with her on Friday, and he says he’s busy [read: “I don’t feel like running.”]

The girl tells her friends: Well, he just said he was busy that night, he didn’t say he isn’t interested at all. I think that means he likes me. If he didn’t like me, he’s just say “no”, right? I mean, he totally was friendly to me the other day and he says nice things about me to his friends so that MUST mean he’s interested in me, right?

Scene 2: She says to the hunky guy [read: Chris Christie] that she’d really like to go out on a date with him and it doesn’t matter when, whatever’s good for him is good for her. He says, “I really like you, but I’m just not in a dating kind of mode right now.” [read: “I’m not ready to be President.”]

The girl tells her friends: OMG, did you hear that? He said I’m nice! It’s obviou she really wants to date me, but he just doesn’t want to make it too easy probably! He just probably needs me to keep asking him out some more and then he’ll say yes.

Scene 3: The hunky guy [read: Chris Christie] smiles and waves at her from across the room [read: “Gives a speech at the Reagan Library.”]

The girl tells her friends: OMG, he was totally flirting with me!Did you see that?? It’s like TOTALLY obvious that he wants to go out with me! I mean, if he didn’t really secretly want to date me, why would he smile and wave at me? Why would he do that? I’m going to ask him out again.

Scene 4: She tells the hunky guy [read: Chris Christie] that she really, really thinks it would be fun if they went out and it would totally make her happy. He (being a decent fellow) says, “Thank you so much, that’s so sweet to say. And it makes me feel good that you’re asking me. But my answer is still the same as it was before.

The girl tells her friends: OMG, did you hear that!? It’s totally almost like he practically said yes!!!!!!